melting message

I've been trying to memorize all the songs that staple your name onto my conscious. The words sit dripping in sweet irony as they slide off my tongue trying not to become cold and bitter. Enamored am i and my performance shows it as i stand center stage all spotlights on me while I'm trying to keep from drowning in sumptuous declarations and revelations. From off stage, i see my mentors mouthing the key to success, to conquering your heart and completing the serenade correctly. It's my final but i can't understand the cheating words- i think they're saying "protect your transmission"

happy as a clam

when you feel absolutely
INVINCIBLE
and
HAPPY for people you normally wouldn't.
the cynics will say,
"she's just crazy, hormonal, or high"
but you guys!
why are you being so closed? are you a mother fucking bivalve?
NO WE ARE HUMAN! WE ARE MEANT TO LIVE AND LOVE ALL THIS NATURE WE WERE GIVEN TO DISCOVER.
we are the privaleged ones, we cannot allow ourselves to squander life's beauty-
in its most obvious forms:
sunsets, the oceans, laughing friends, and warm kisses
but also in its more defective forms:
the fact that the homeless still have a second chance,
after a breakup, the fact that they obviously weren't the ONE,
and that no matter how much you lose yourself, you can always talk to your mother who will explain everything about you the way you came out, not the way you fabricated yourself to be.

Mother Knows Best

She's right. She's totally right.
We've all felt this way.
But we just need someone to snap us out of it.
I'm here.
I've got massive brass cymbals in my hands.
I'm here.
I'm ready to wake you up.
We gotta keep performing, for the good of our show!
Just keep dancing, your love for it will eventually grow.
We gotta keep pretending, don't let the kids know
that once you hit the double digits, everything's a blackhole.
Let's fake it for them so they understand, we need to fake it so no one's ever sad.
Sadness leads to self destruction, we can't lead them astray.
Be careful Lauren, let's save them from the gray!

Bete Filles

written March 25, 2009.

I'm only human.
I am only trying to save myself pain.
Pain i inflict upon myself-
With truth. With questions. With emotions.
With looks. With answers. With contempt.
Why'd i get myself into this?
Cuz i like the fight, the chase, the fun.
But how is it fun to get your hopes up
&to dream the best dream
&to have it come true
but to have it slip through your fingers...
Because you're only human.

5.something

5.something

This is what a good day looks like

Aaron's Brothers, souplantation, and a buttload of random errands. I've missed these Sundays

It came out of my mouth so easily

"You have as many bestfriends as you do versions of yourself."
Yes, you can quote me.

EXPOSURE

Just a sidenote

I wonder if she knows
It's all for sport, darling
I'm doing it to be conceited, not to get you to fall in love with me
I think it's funny to make you feel uncomfortable
You're not special anymore
Not any more special as Rachel or Angie

i convinced someone i had a one year old son named Henry Oliver
That didn't scare this certain boy away
that suprised me so i'm gonna see how this one goes

Cruz and i are gonna be famous
We were meant to sing together

My point is:
This isn't about you baby girl
I;m too selfish for that
This is my story; my epic novel
You were just a sidenote in the adolescence chapter
And this is me, putting the last bit it in
period.

The show must go on.

All of my friends are performers
in one way or another.
i've got actors and actresses
who can convince you of anything.
I've got models
who don't know which face is really theirs.
i have artists
who can't say what they feel out loud,
and who can only say what is really in their mind
through metaphors and big showy vocabulary.
I've got trapeeze artists
always on the edge of the high wire,
looking down in wincing glances
to see if anyone is actually watching.
We're all here for the show.
We are the entertainment.
We are the stars.
Just watch the people in their cars.