Happy Single Awareness Day

Me: "i want a nerdy boyfriend."
Mom: "DIRTY boyfriend??"
Me: "I want a NERDY boyfriend."
Mom: "Oh, good. Those are the best kinds because they grow up to be rich."

Easy rules to living

Don't pretend that you're fragile
when in the next period, you talk as if you're yelling
Don't be sad
if as soon as she's walked away, you start singing
Don't be two you's.
Don't be human.