Easy rules to living

Don't pretend that you're fragile
when in the next period, you talk as if you're yelling
Don't be sad
if as soon as she's walked away, you start singing
Don't be two you's.
Don't be human.

"I’m much too proud"

my eyes have been burning for days now. i think i'm SUPPOSED to cry. I really don't want to though. I'm not that weak anymore. You're nothing, and you're nothing, and they're nothing, and it's nothing i can't fix. but this burning sensation is consuming my body
sinking into my stomach
there's a dormant grenade
it's fuse is deciding, should i...? should i explode and ruin her entirely- from the inside out?
but then it looks up at her heart and sees the scars
Nevermind, looks like they already took care of that
The consumption has consumed me.
the loving has hated me.
the ambition is burning me.

At last

I Am Satisfied.
I'm not needed; it's perfectly clear.
You've given me a conclusion.
I feel no remorse, i feel no jealousy, i feel nothing towards you.
Switzerland.
So neutral is doesn't exist.


P.S. I'll never regret loving you. Even after it all.

Scripted

i wish life were a tv show; it'd be a lot more predictable.
a lot easier to plan out. and i'd know for sure i'm the protagonist.

Semana de los Muertos

it's winters like this that make me want to run away, fly away across the country again
it's weeks like this that make me want to freeze time or erase responsiblities for a while
it's days like this that make me want to only carry one emotion not to feel so overwhelmed with news and constant changing emotions
You loved me once, and that's all i need to remember. you really loved me. I will continue to love you, even if you're not here with me. I'll miss you, i wish i could've said goodbye.

la voyante

is it sick to think this is funny?
oh, lord, i love understanding human nature. i love being able to forsee the future.
deny, deny, deny; doesn't matter cuz i've already seen see see what you wish wasn't true. i see it in you, no need to hide it. i accept it, i have accepted it, iknew i'd have to. need not be ashamed, though, we're all hypocrites in our own right. and this is why i don't walk up to you and tear off your faces. i see your human sides. i only wish you had done me the same favor. but again, it's okay, i'm used to it. i am cassandra, never believed, never paid attention to because all i say is "false". the fortune teller is never believed.

Hey guys?

What happened?
I think what's driving me crazy is that i DON'T KNOW.
Well, isn't that the theme of the year- not knowing.
Charlie Brown said it best,with an accepting sigh, "good grief"

este corazon sigue llorando pa' nada

Today's just one those days
where you want to tear your heart out
and leave it somewhere else to pound
it's so fucking loud within my frail body
i can't take much more news
with ever quake, my stomach turns a bit
and the sound seems to resonate in me
the epicenter needs to shut the fuck up.
this feeling, oh god, this feeling.

Save Buddah

Hate is not overcome by Hate; by Loving Kindness alone is Hate appeased. This is an eternal law. -THE BUDDAH

Ey, i tried.

I'm done posting my complicated shit here.

Fuck periods.

I'm pissed. but i don't care anymore.
I'm sick of this. but i miss you.
i hate your childishness. but i'm complaining on a blog.
i want to break down and cry. but i swore i wouldn't let you affect me.
i'm menstrual; just let me be.

It comes down to this

I;m not like them. I can't stay sad, i can't appreciate the gravity of a statement. I like to perform for those who love life and i't imperfections. But i can't perform for those who have their eyes set only on those imperfections. I'm not like them, when it comes right down to it. I guess it's for the best you all live together.











Fuck, Facebook.

i'm scared shitless.

I'm scared shitless. I'm not gonna lie.
when my gaurd is down, and the problems creep on in, i snap my head to the other side to try to shake out the insecurities being whispered in my ear.
"you're fake. you're a bad friend. you lie. you're lazy. you're stupid. you're a selfish bitch. you make it impossible to love you." ...well there was that one time when i gossiped... those few times i took my mom for granted... that day i didn't touch my homework...

no, no, i think you've got the wrong person.
I'm awesome, i'm a great friend, i'm always myself, i'm nice, i treat others as i'd like to be treated, i follow the social rules, i'm awesome.

What the hell? There must be a change in the atmosphere to bring about your weird mood swing. How'd you go from never admitting the problem to saying it flat out and with exaggeration? where'd it come from that now you don't hate her and that you can hang out and talk all the time? where was i during this transition? I've been here a year and i thought i understood how everything works here, but now all the gears have switched places and i'm just staring up at this massive, looming, nuclear power plant holding my gardening tools. Obviously, i'm not prepared. I'm scared shitless.