That's what they all say

Once again i am called vapid and shallow.
I'd like to know when this cycle will end.
I have done nothing wrong but be selective. Not even selective in a prejudice way.
I'm just a normal human girl who wants her fairytale ending with the sparkles and flutters everytime her love walks through the door. I want my glimmer man rush when i recieve a kiss. I want it all
But i don't want you,
is that so bad?

I could accept you and take your heart and keep mine behind my ribs as you try to search for it in text messages and cute IMs, but really, we're both gonna end up losing. Don't push what isn't meant to be.

So easily said, no? when just a couple months ago... ah, forget it, it doesn't matter anymore. I'll love you. I wanna take this opportunity being given to me. I wanna see where this goes.

D.D.D.

it never ceases to amaze me the ability you have to make me shake from the inside out.

i'm scared shitless.

I'm scared shitless. I'm not gonna lie.
when my gaurd is down, and the problems creep on in, i snap my head to the other side to try to shake out the insecurities being whispered in my ear.
"you're fake. you're a bad friend. you lie. you're lazy. you're stupid. you're a selfish bitch. you make it impossible to love you." ...well there was that one time when i gossiped... those few times i took my mom for granted... that day i didn't touch my homework...

no, no, i think you've got the wrong person.
I'm awesome, i'm a great friend, i'm always myself, i'm nice, i treat others as i'd like to be treated, i follow the social rules, i'm awesome.

What the hell? There must be a change in the atmosphere to bring about your weird mood swing. How'd you go from never admitting the problem to saying it flat out and with exaggeration? where'd it come from that now you don't hate her and that you can hang out and talk all the time? where was i during this transition? I've been here a year and i thought i understood how everything works here, but now all the gears have switched places and i'm just staring up at this massive, looming, nuclear power plant holding my gardening tools. Obviously, i'm not prepared. I'm scared shitless.

i hate to admit this

but when it comes right down to it-
i've never truly loved someone. I 've only loved the version of them i picture them to be. I make them magical in the sense that whatever they do, they can do no wrong, and that every breath has a meaning. I see them doing everything just to impress me. I hope this makes sense, but i know it doesn't. This idea isn't fresh or anything, it's just very difficult for me to explain. I'll figure it out one day.
That day, i'll fall in love with a real person/