i miss your voice.

Confused Letter

it's exhausting- all this deciphering. but then again, so is waiting.
i want to stay away from all your words for fear of misinterpretting them, but then again, i want to hear your words, and there's no other way to get them.
it's not like i wouldn't misinterpret a conversation with you either, especially a conversation with you. God, you're so complicated.

P.S. Cassey, you should build a time machine.

Cassey- quite the qualified color

An honest mistake

By george, i've got it.
It's not that i'm jealous, or was ever jealous, i felt like shit and continue to have doubts because you made me feel inadequate. As if i wasn't a good friend, or an adequate human being. I can't find another word for it, because i've finally figured it out! There's nothing an arian hates more than feeling inadequate.

When my earth shook.

Your world makes my heart speed up.
The anxiety of being serious and correct unnerves me.
I wanted to be comfortable with you but eventually, i wore out; i just couldn't do it.
it felt so unnatural- my heart palpitating with every word and long pause. I wanted to prove to you i was worthy. I wanted to prove to myself i can make anyone open up. I wanted to be the savior. All i ended up doing was giving myself a seizure. I cried that night, in my mother's arms, wishing i could explain fully why my heart hurt so bad. But of course i couldn't so i just shook more. Shook because i was furious, shook because i was betrayed, shook because i honestly loved you, shook because i would have never released one of our shared secrets, shook because that's what your world did to me.
Tomorrow, no matter what, i'm going to talk to you. I don't care if you don't want to. Because i know, you do want to. Your Scorpian pride gets in the way but my arien persistance won't let you get away.

Sticks and stones, darling...

may break my bones, but lack of words will NEVER hurt me...

p.s. you're rather unnecessary.

On the palm of my hand.

Infinite was the first to fade.
My infantry still resides. Rather distorted, but it's still standing.
Poor baby girl's taken some hits. Harsh ones, ones from family first. Then the friends she grew out of and then herself. But it's okay as long as her heart keeps beating, true and strong.
Rien n'arrete nos esprits.

D.D.D.

it never ceases to amaze me the ability you have to make me shake from the inside out.

trying to be civil

I'd like to say that was the biggest waste of time of my life, but i've done worse.

melting message

I've been trying to memorize all the songs that staple your name onto my conscious. The words sit dripping in sweet irony as they slide off my tongue trying not to become cold and bitter. Enamored am i and my performance shows it as i stand center stage all spotlights on me while I'm trying to keep from drowning in sumptuous declarations and revelations. From off stage, i see my mentors mouthing the key to success, to conquering your heart and completing the serenade correctly. It's my final but i can't understand the cheating words- i think they're saying "protect your transmission"

Bete Filles

written March 25, 2009.

I'm only human.
I am only trying to save myself pain.
Pain i inflict upon myself-
With truth. With questions. With emotions.
With looks. With answers. With contempt.
Why'd i get myself into this?
Cuz i like the fight, the chase, the fun.
But how is it fun to get your hopes up
&to dream the best dream
&to have it come true
but to have it slip through your fingers...
Because you're only human.

Just a sidenote

I wonder if she knows
It's all for sport, darling
I'm doing it to be conceited, not to get you to fall in love with me
I think it's funny to make you feel uncomfortable
You're not special anymore
Not any more special as Rachel or Angie

i convinced someone i had a one year old son named Henry Oliver
That didn't scare this certain boy away
that suprised me so i'm gonna see how this one goes

Cruz and i are gonna be famous
We were meant to sing together

My point is:
This isn't about you baby girl
I;m too selfish for that
This is my story; my epic novel
You were just a sidenote in the adolescence chapter
And this is me, putting the last bit it in
period.

You ask me why i sit.

because i don't know where i stand.

To my Lady GaGa;

I wish i hadn't rushed. That's all i did these few months. I rushed to tell you how i felt, i rushed to reveal all my secrets to you, i rushed to understand you. And most recently, i rushed to see if we actually had a shot at this stupid Love Game.
I saw that you wanted to go, and i should have let you. For once, you had let your Pokerface down and you were telling me straight up, you wanted nothing to do with me in that way. But no, i was already Starstruck by my own fantasies and i had to see if anything in reality could amount. I embarrassed myself like a Paparazzi all up in your face and in your life. I thought you'd complete me like The Fame we both know i crave so badly. Even though i spent most of my time thinking about you, I never thought about how you felt trying to figure out a way to convince a stubborn Brown Eyes that Eh Eh(There's Nothing Else I Can Say). I still think there would've been that Fever i was looking for under different circumstances. I thought it was really ironic you mentioned the stars cuz when you invited me to the observatory, i thought that's where we'd be sharing that moment. But no, i had to rush cuz I Like It Rough. So now, we'll both Just Dance and shake out those feelings like we should have long ago. But Again Again, i think we'd be Wonderful.

Forever in one way or another yours,
Beautiful Dirty Rich