i'm scared shitless.

I'm scared shitless. I'm not gonna lie.
when my gaurd is down, and the problems creep on in, i snap my head to the other side to try to shake out the insecurities being whispered in my ear.
"you're fake. you're a bad friend. you lie. you're lazy. you're stupid. you're a selfish bitch. you make it impossible to love you." ...well there was that one time when i gossiped... those few times i took my mom for granted... that day i didn't touch my homework...

no, no, i think you've got the wrong person.
I'm awesome, i'm a great friend, i'm always myself, i'm nice, i treat others as i'd like to be treated, i follow the social rules, i'm awesome.

What the hell? There must be a change in the atmosphere to bring about your weird mood swing. How'd you go from never admitting the problem to saying it flat out and with exaggeration? where'd it come from that now you don't hate her and that you can hang out and talk all the time? where was i during this transition? I've been here a year and i thought i understood how everything works here, but now all the gears have switched places and i'm just staring up at this massive, looming, nuclear power plant holding my gardening tools. Obviously, i'm not prepared. I'm scared shitless.