Magnificient Thinking

Roughly. Love wipes away the fog in your heart and gives your life meaning. When its cloudy you dont see whats real. And i now conclude that we are here to love


^not my words, i had to put them somewhere so i could empty my inbox.

Cassey- quite the qualified color

Jesus-type Wishes

I wish i could pour all the liquor in the world down a big drain. Let it lead to hell, to where they're already tortured enough and booze can't hurt their livers or relationships anymore. I wish i could steal every box of cigarettes and snatch every cigar from your mouth and jump on them until they disintegrate and their poison seeps down to the doomed underworld. Let them drink from the ceiling and inhale all the tar and nicotine. You're killing yourself, but they're already dead. These things are for them. Not for us. As long as you're breathing, you're alive, no matter how dead you feel. You matter to people, people look up to you, people are waiting to watch you succeed. Love yourself as much as they love you. It's really not that hard, just let us.

family visits

I've been to these houses before. But I only know who they belong to when I scan the hallway pictures on the way to the bathroom. On prancing tippy toes I'd try to absorb as much of their family history as I possibly could before my prancing became lord of the dance speed and I'd have to run (not as gracefully) to the baby hued bathroom. That's another thing about my mom's side- the frilly bathrooms. They're always baby blue or pink or coral, and their scallopped window treatments always match their scallopped toilet seat covers, always with hand embroidered pink carnations. Clear Softsoap by every sink. It seems the only modern thing in there is the toothbrushes.
Back in the hallway, I can look at the pictures more, trying to waste time here instead of just wasting away at the dining room table while the adults talk. 'Oh, I know her,' I think remembering the tall, thin woman with her long curls bouncing. Wow, she looks almost the same from her first communion picture, except of course, she no longer has a bob and she has boobs and hips now. "I hope I'll grow up to look like her," I wish to myself, thinking about how everyone says how big my eyes are while they look at my overalled tummy. Noooow, I understand why everyone would call me 'gorda'.

Scripted

i wish life were a tv show; it'd be a lot more predictable.
a lot easier to plan out. and i'd know for sure i'm the protagonist.

fear immobilizes and destroys.

Semana de los Muertos

it's winters like this that make me want to run away, fly away across the country again
it's weeks like this that make me want to freeze time or erase responsiblities for a while
it's days like this that make me want to only carry one emotion not to feel so overwhelmed with news and constant changing emotions
You loved me once, and that's all i need to remember. you really loved me. I will continue to love you, even if you're not here with me. I'll miss you, i wish i could've said goodbye.